Why do we cry when we experience joy? A highly resistant man had a very good session during which he faced his feelings more deeply than ever before. I wondered if he thought he had faced his feelings. He said he thought so. When I said I thought he had too, he burst into tears. Why do we cry when we feel loved?
When you let me love you, a part of you must die. Perhaps it is your self-hatred. Maybe it’s your self-dismissal. Maybe it’s your perceived unworthiness. But the false self must die and crack open for my love to touch the real you hidden underneath. Every façade, every false image, every defense must die for love to touch you. And when it does, you feel this dying, this loss, and the pain of how long you waited for this moment. In the joy of being reborn is also the sadness of dying.
Our strategies which gave us safety in the past, give us loneliness as adults. And these strategies must die for love to touch you. And when love touches you, you feel the painful memories of why those strategies were necessary, and the grief over what you lost.
To allow my love to touch you, you must step into the void, the unknown where you don’t know what will happen. You will be asked to let go of your defenses, your walls, and your stories so you and I can see who you really are and what the world really is outside of your prison of defenses.
You will have to let go of your image of the unworthy one, the one who is not good enough, the one who others don’t respect, the one who is ashamed of herself, the one who deserves to die. All these images are barriers to love. To all of these best friends, you must say goodbye. You must stop clinging to them, so your hands are free to reach out to us. All these identities are just imaginary barriers between you and your destiny.
You are right to fear the love of your therapist. He has come to ask you to take off your false identities, let go of your concepts, remove what is false, and reveal who is hidden underneath. And when you do, who is underneath? A river of rage, love, guilt, grief, shame, of everything that is under the words. And that wordless truth that gives birth to the words, that wordless truth is you.