Monthly Archives: April 2017

Accepting Non-acceptance

When I wrote about acceptance recently, someone asked “what about non-acceptance? What if someone rejects me?”

Can we accept that? Can we accept that this is how reality is showing up? What if accepting her rejection of you is how you can be most intimate and accepting her? What if that is the ultimate intimacy possible with that person?

Another asked, “What if I can’t accept myself?” Can we accept that? Can you accept your non-acceptance, since that is how you are relating to yourself right now? Could we just start here and now?

Another asked, “What if I can’t trust my boyfriend after what he did to me?” Why not stop trusting him? Since you don’t. Could you try trusting your distrust?

Does the mirror have any problems with how you look this morning? Does your awareness have any problems with your distrust or non-acceptance right now? Have you ever noticed that awareness never has any problems with whatever appears in awareness? Your distrust today, or your non-acceptance, is just how the living of you is showing up today.

“So am I really supposed to be happy that he left me?” Why? If you’re not happy, why do violence to yourself and try to force yourself to feel what you don’t feel? “Be happy when you are not happy” is just a demand that you be fake rather than real: how you are.

For awareness, none of this is a problem. Your thoughts come in and say how you are today is a problem. But, regardless of what the thoughts say, reality (you) keeps showing up. Even if your thoughts can’t face reality, maybe you could instead.

Imagine accepting your non-acceptance, trusting your distrust, surrendering to your inability to surrender. Imagine just accepting how the living of you is showing up now. Imagine that life is a feast and feelings are coming by one at a time for you to taste.

“This isn’t what I wanted to learn today.” Turns out the school of life had a different curriculum in mind. Cancer showed up last year for me. I thought my character had been “built” enough. Life informed me I was mistaken. New demolition and reconstruction was scheduled. Not on my timelineJ

I’m not saying you “have” to like what shows up. But if we resist reality we suffer. I’m reminded of Ashley Brilliant’s book title, “I feel much better now that I’ve given up all hope.” When we give up all hope that reality will go away, we will start to feel better.